At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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