Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
