i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
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