I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
