is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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