Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
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