also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
