I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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