I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
