Hey man sorry I got all grabby
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
