They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
