when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
