If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
