just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
