I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize
