weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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