I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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