she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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