Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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