How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
