Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
