Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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