I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I cut my penus on the lid.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
