Your mouth is God's brothel.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
