Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
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