I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Randomize
