So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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