Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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