I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
this just has baby written all over it
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
