it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
