I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
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