So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
