She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize