Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
