lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
honey bunches of taint.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
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