haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
