Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
