The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
