so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
