We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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