is your mom at the bar?
I CAN MOONWALK!
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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