on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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