Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
