i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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