I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Randomize
