She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Randomize
