If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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