Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
