Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize