When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
