His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
