just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
