i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
