i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
