Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
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