there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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