after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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