Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
