i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
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i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
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