I want to walk on stilts...naked
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
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