Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
