3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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